A New Beginning

I was so lost and confused,
Never saw the way,
To stop this chosen path and
Keep these thoughts at bay.

For a darkness from my past
Had returned to me,
My blade had taken over,
Death was all I’d see.

It was you who I found but
Only just in time,
To save me from myself and
To stop my last crime.

You helped me to stop and see,
Made me realize,
That the way to get through this
Was not my demise.

For you I put down this knife,
I won’t try again,
You have helped so much to show
The cure’s not my pain.

After everything you’ve seen,
Knowing what I’ve done,
It just means so much to me
That you didn’t run.

——————————————
- Written: 3rd January 2007
——————————————

To my superficial friends, you know who you are,
To you my death would never leave a scar.
I’ll fade to a memory of a boy who once was
Always happy in your eyes and that’s just because
You never stopped to look clearly, to see trapped inside
The tortured soul that wept there, and always just lied.
For if the truth you knew, you would never stay,
You’d be silent, not helpful, and just drift away.

To my family who hid, you never did know,
Even when I let all these old scars show,
You were blind to the truth, you never could see,
The fake that replaced what once was me.
So I gave up waiting for you to come around,
For this smile masks one who was never found,
And because of this I never wanted you to stay,
I put all my effort into pushing you away.

To the people I let in, though you number few,
I always treasured my time spent with you.
Those were times I was happy, or let misery show,
And when you were there for me my love did grow.
For with you I felt whole, I felt finally free,
I was never afraid to let go, to just be me.
For the truth you were told, but still you did stay,
Until I fell too far and pushed you away.

To those that saw the truth, but didn’t want to believe,
Don’t let this burden you, I wanted to deceive,
Don’t get stuck on the what ifs, for it would hurt me more,
For if you could’ve changed things, you would’ve done before.
I hate to do this to you, and I hate what I’ve become,
But I know of nothing else so I shut it all out and run.
I don’t want to do this, but I can no longer stay,
I must free myself from this lie, and just drift away.

——————————————
- Written: 27th November 2006
——————————————

With scars on my wrists and tears in my eyes,
I hide the pain that I feel inside.

With death on my mind and tears in my eyes,
I hate how my whole life has become one big lie.

With a blade in my hand and tears in my eyes,
All I want to do is leave this life behind.

With the blood flowing freely and tears in my eyes,
I begin to regret my decision to die.

——————————————
- Written: 27th November 2006
——————————————

I’m sorry I must go but I’ll leave you with this,
For it’s you who are one of the few I shall miss,
I’ll be back in a week if I come back at all,
For it is my demons or I that must fall.
I must shake off this cutting curse all on my own,
So that once again when I’m left all alone,
Instead of turning back to my blade to cope,
I’ll put it away and look forward with hope.

——————————————
- Written: 16th November 2006
——————————————