I am a mess, I know, but I’m still right here.
I just take what I have, but I hide from my fear.
But I soldier on, no matter how things appear,
I’m alone, but I’ll survive, no matter what comes this year.

I am a liar, that’s right, and I hide the real me,
There’s a side of me that very few people see.
I’m lonely, not strong, but my two faces disagree,
The forced laughs, the fake smiles, is just who I want to be.

I am a burden, It’s true, but I’m trying to change.
I always rely on others, it’s not a fair exchange.
I’ll start off slow, until I can find my range.
I’m trying, I’ll get there, even though it feels strange.

My blade bites into my skin,
My mistakes scar my arms,
My tears run down my face,
But I’m still alive.

My friends believe my lies,
My hope begins to dwindle,
The one that matters most stays silent,
But I’m still alive.

Each time feels fresh, it brings anew,
A shining imperfection,
And allows me to hide the truth from you,
While keeping my affection.

The blade on flesh, its sting so bold,
Provides me with direction,
Allows me to voice my thoughts untold,
Gives my resurrection.

Teardrops of blood, they hold my pain,
Allowing my mind to clear.
The release they bring allows me to attain,
My presence without fear.

As I drift, I look around,
There’s still one anchor to the ground.
A fire that won’t go out,
Always questioning my self-doubt.

No matter how far I fall,
It rings out above it all,
A single thread that holds me true,
Regardless of everything blue.

I can’t shut down while its there,
Even though I’ve been stripped bare,
One thing that always breaks through,
The presence that can only be you.

For a darkness from my past
Had returned to me,
My blade had taken over,
Death was all I’d see.

It was you who I found but
Only just in time,
To save me from myself and
To stop my last crime.

You helped me to stop and see,
Made me realize,
That the way to get through this
Was not my demise.

For you I put down this knife,
I won’t try again,
You have helped so much to show
The cure’s not my pain.

After everything you’ve seen,
Knowing what I’ve done,
It just means so much to me
That you didn’t run.

I really want to change all this,
To stop giving all this pain,
Because what hurts you hurts me too,
Especially if I’m to blame.

To change all this will push me,
Because it’s how I’ve lived my life,
But I’m trying to change with all my heart,
To put away this knife.

I no longer want to stay away,
I don’t want to disappear,
Because all that comes from this,
Is others pain and fear.

So when once more I want to leave,
When I think my life is through,
I hope that I can stop and stay,
And talk things through with you.

——————————————
I wrote this for someone I hurt, and I’m really trying to change so I won’t hurt them again.

To my family who hid, you never did know,
Even when I let all these old scars show,
You were blind to the truth, you never could see,
The fake that replaced what once was me.
So I gave up waiting for you to come around,
For this smile masks one who was never found,
And because of this I never wanted you to stay,
I put all my effort into pushing you away.

To the people I let in, though you number few,
I always treasured my time spent with you.
Those were times I was happy, or let misery show,
And when you were there for me my love did grow.
For with you I felt whole, I felt finally free,
I was never afraid to let go, to just be me.
For the truth you were told, but still you did stay,
Until I fell too far and pushed you away.

To those that saw the truth, but didn’t want to believe,
Don’t let this burden you, I wanted to deceive,
Don’t get stuck on the what ifs, for it would hurt me more,
For if you could’ve changed things, you would’ve done before.
I hate to do this to you, and I hate what I’ve become,
But I know of nothing else so I shut it all out and run.
I don’t want to do this, but I can no longer stay,
I must free myself from this lie, and just drift away.

With death on my mind and tears in my eyes,
I hate how my whole life has become one big lie.

With a blade in my hand and tears in my eyes,
All I want to do is leave this life behind.

With the blood flowing freely and tears in my eyes,
I begin to regret my decision to die.